I was awake in the early hours the other morning just thinking about birth, motherhood and all the changes to come. There’s so much that can feel out of control when you’re about to give birth to another child that it can feel overwhelming at times:
How quick will it happen? Can I deliver natural again? What if I need a c-section? Can we handle two kiddos? How will our son respond to a new sibling? Will breastfeeding be as difficult to establish this time? Among many other thoughts.
I almost feel as though I’m more nervous and anxious this time around than the first time. Maybe it’s because I’m not so naive about how tough, yet amazing those first few weeks (months) can be or how completely primal childbirth can be. During these moments, I trust that my body can handle and knows what to do and just put my heart and trust into the birth process. It’s hard not having complete control, but will be so worth it no matter what way it happens. It’s funny because I really feel as though the mind forgets a lot about childbirth and now I’m suddenly flooded with all the memories of Aiden’s. His birth was quick and intense and a completely empowering experience. I’m hoping to relive something similar with his baby sisters. I think that my biggest fear during this birth is that it may happen very quickly. I’ll definitely be heading to the hospital earlier (I went from 4cm to 10 cm in less than an hour last time), especially as we have to be sure that my Pop’s is able to get to our home with plenty of time to watch Aiden and for us to get to the hospital. I’m hoping for quick, but not too cute. I definitely don’t want to worry about having this baby at home or in the car. Eek!
At my appointment Friday (38 & 1/2 weeks), I was showing signs of my body preparing for labor (dilating and effaced) and I’ve had contractions on and off all weekend. Excited to meet and love on our little girl (still unnamed) someday soon.